A Dream to Build your Faith

I found this an interesting and convicting read. it wrecked me this morning and i decide to share with my blog family.

 Faith is like a muscle: It can be strengthened. It can be weak or it can be strong, depending on how much you use it.
How does God build your faith? He uses a very predictable pattern. If you understand it, you can cooperate with him in developing greater faith. It’s like when the father, seeking help from Jesus for his son, said, “Have pity on us and help us, if you possibly can!” (Mark 9:22 TEV)
Jesus replied, “What do you mean, ‘If I can’? ... Anything is possible if a person believes” (Mark 9:23 NLT).
The first thing God does to build your faith is give you a dream. When God wants to work in your life, he always gives you a dream — about yourself, about what he wants you to do, about how he’s going to use your life to impact the world. 
There are many examples in the Bible of this:

• God gave Noah the dream of building an ark.
• God gave Abraham the dream of being the father of a great nation.
• God gave Joseph the dream of being a leader that would save his people.
• God gave Nehemiah the dream of building the wall around Jerusalem.

How do you know when a dream is from God or when it’s just something you’ve thought up yourself? The Bible tells us that God “by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of — infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes” (Ephesians 3:20 LB).
In other words, if a dream comes from God, it will be so big in your life that you can’t do it on your own. If you could do it on your own, you wouldn’t need faith. And if you don’t have faith, you’re not pleasing God, because the Bible says whatever is not of faith is sin (Romans 14:23).
God starts to build your faith by giving you a dream. He may be speaking to you now, but you just don’t recognize it for what it is. That dream you have, the idea or concept you’ve been thinking about doing that would be of real benefit to other people — where do you think that idea came from?
God will never tell you to do something that contradicts his truth. In other words, he won’t give you a dream of leaving your family and kids and moving to Hollywood to be a movie star. If you have that dream, then you can know it is not from God.
God starts with a dream as he works within your life to build faith.
Talk About It

• What is it that you’ve been dreaming of doing?
• If you believe this dream is from God, what should you do with it?

Rick Warren is the founding pastor of Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., one of America's largest and most influential churches. Rick is author of the New York Times bestseller The Purpose Driven Life. His book, The Purpose Driven Church, was named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th century. He is also founder of Pastors.com, a global Internet community for pastors.

http://rickwarren.org/devotional/english/god-gives-you-a-dream-to-build-your-faith

Curses and Blessings

In line with what my daily devotional has been centered on this past week, I came across this and thought to share with my readers. Oh Yes! there is great power in the tongue. Enjoy the write up.

When my oldest son was around two, I would put him in the bathtub each morning to keep a close eye on him while getting ready for work. One day he asked if he could play with his new ship my husband had bought him the day before. I said yes, and he was quite entertained for a while.

As I sleepily sipped my coffee and put on mascara, Benjamin said something about his toy. Half-listening and focused more on my make-up than my son, I said, "Oh yea, that's a great boat..."

Quickly correcting me, he said, "Da-da says it's a ship."

"That's right," I said (not really knowing the difference). A couple minutes later, my talkative toddler said something else about his toy and without thinking, I again said, "Hmmm.... yes that's a nice boat..."

A second time, my son said, "It's a ship."

Glancing at his reflection in the mirror while continuing my routine, I said, "Oh yeah that's right..."

Believe it or not, a few minutes later, this happened a third time—Benjamin telling me about his toys and me half-awake answering him with, "That's a great boat..."

But this time, he yelled, "MOM!" I quickly turned around only to see my son holding his toy up and looking at me with frustration as he said, "Can you say SHIP?"

The Bible says, "The tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles!" (James 3:5, NKJV)

My exchange with my son is quite small in comparison to some of the firestorms that have started with just a few words. Countries go to war and couples go to divorce court over mere words. The tongue is a weapon, that's for sure. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can set off a virtual forest fire.

By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it. This is scary:

"You can tame a tiger, but you can't tame a tongue - it's never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women He made in His image. Curses and blessings out of the same mouth!" (James 3:7-10, Message)

I still don't know the difference between a boat and a ship, other than one is small and used for fishing and waterskiing, while the other is much bigger and usually found on the ocean. But I could know their differences if I chose to study them. In the same way, if I care about the things that defile my life and grieve the Holy Spirit, I can learn.

The Bible says, "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit" (1 Peter 3:10, NKJV).

I may not be able to perfectly tame my tongue, but I can choose my words. Jesus said it starts with what we put in our heart:

"For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34, NKJV).

As God's Word becomes a priority in my life, one benefit is the overflow from my heart to my mouth.

"He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit" (Proverbs 17:27, NKJV).

If I'd had more knowledge on "ships" I wouldn't have upset my young son. Likewise, as I gain understanding about the tongue and the various ways it defiles, I am less likely to be the cause of strife. My words can be vain, irritating, hasty, irreverent, insincere, proud, and malicious; OR my words can be modest, helpful, sincere, respectful, humble, and kind. And like the fierce winds that oppose a ship on the open sea, I can use the rudder in my mouth to maneuver peacefully through tough conversations or perceived attacks.

So, although I'm bound to be careless with my words at some point or another, it's what I choose to keep in my heart that keeps me from recklessly starting a fire. I am the vessel and my tongue is the blade that adjusts my direction. Can you say SHIP?

Coping with Insecurities

Insecurities: We all have them. Seriously.
Every person you walk past in the street is going to be insecure about one thing or other.
It might be her hair. It might be his height. It might be his receding hairline. It might be the shape of her legs but just because everyone has them, it doesn’t mean that you have to continue to let them rule your life.

Here’s how you can take control and live your life on your terms, regardless of your insecurities.

1. Admit to yourself that you have insecurities
If you can’t admit your insecurities to yourself, then you’re never going to be able to deal with them. After all, you can’t solve a problem until you admit it exists.
So, to kick off this process of dealing with your insecurities, write out a list of everything that you’re insecure about. Seriously, take 5 minutes now to write down a list of everything that you’re insecure about.
 
2. Admit to others that you have insecurities
Yes, it’s true. This has to be the next step. Why? Because it’s going to give you the space to start dealing with your insecurities rather than just pretending that they don’t exist.
I know it’s scary. I know it’s going to be tough. But it’s the fastest and easiest way to overcome your insecurities. Why? Because the real problem with insecurities isn’t that you think you’re short / overweight / have big ears / smell / a virgin. The reason your insecurities limit your life is because of what you think other people think of them.
You’re afraid of being judged and rejected based on your insecurities. because of this, you hold back your thoughts and opinions, don’t take the action you want to, and spend your life hiding away because you’re afraid of other peoples judgements and criticisms. You spend your life, stuck in your head, trying to deal with imaginary situations based on what you think other people might say or do if they found out.
The problem with this is that there are 1,000,000 different situations you can dream up and 1,000,000 more ways to deal with them. You could literally sit, stuck in your head, for years of your life trying to come up with a solution to every situation. And then when you come up with an imaginary situation that you can’t solve, you just decide not to do what you want anyway.
But here’s the catch: you can never solve an imaginary situation because it doesn’t exist.
Until you have something real and concrete to work with, you’re just going to spend your days imagining and thinking without ever making any progress.
By telling people that you’re insecure about your receding hair line, then you have a situation you can work with. Then you have a situation where you can find a solution and take action to eliminate the problem. But until you tell them, it’s just empty thoughts and fairy tales.
I’m not suggesting that you just have to run onto the street and yell your deepest, darkest secrets at the sky. Take your time. Open up to people you trust first. Then, once you’ve done that, open up to people you’re comfortable with. Then, open up to people you don’t know quite so well.
Keep going until everyone in your life knows about what you’re insecure about so that you actually have concrete and real situations to deal with.

3. Eliminate all those from your life who try to take advantage of your insecurities
There’s no point in pretending that everyone you meet is going to gently and calmly reassure you that you’re a valuable part of their life and that your insecurities don’t matter.
There are some real arseholes out there. But that’s fine.
By them trying to take advantage of your insecurities about being overweight / having pimples, they’re doing you a HUGE favor. They’re baring their real colours for you to see so you don’t have to worry about what they’re thinking about you any more. They’re showing you that they’re not the kind of person that you want in your life and you can eliminate them without wondering whether or not you’re making a mistake. “But what if no-one accepts me???” Then you’ve been wasting your time with a pack of arseholes for FAR too long and it’s about time you did something about it.

4. Prove to yourself that you can be happy and fulfilled regardless of what you’re insecure about
Now that you’ve dealt with the baggage from the past, you can start to move forward.
The reason that you were insecure about lack of experience with women / inability to pickup is because in some long forgotten point in time, you thought it was necessary for you to be happy and fulfilled in life.
Who knows where… Who knows when. All you can be certain of is that it’s there.
For you to really eliminate your insecurities for good, you need to prove to yourself that you can actually be happy, fulfilled, and free despite your lack of money / weird family / poor fashion sense.
Logically, you might know that being overweight doesn’t stop you being happy but obviously, there’s some part of subconscious that hasn’t quite caught on.
You can’t change your subconscious by chanting into a mirror every morning or meditating your way through it. This is something that can only be achieved through action. You need to become happy and fulfilled, whilst the thing you’re insecure about is still there.
When you can do this, you’ll stop worrying about your receding hairline because you’re happy despite the fact that it’s still there.
The interesting thing about the process of eliminating your insecurities is that Step 2 can actually go a long way to fulfilling Step 4.
One of the big reasons that guys are insecure is that they think they’ll be rejected, outcast, and alone if people find out the truth about them.
To break this down even further: They currently feel lonely, they desire to experience connection, and they way they think they bridge the gap is by putting up a shield, pretending they don’t have insecurities, and acting like they’re totally cool and confident.

The deepest and strongest connections you can create are ones based on open, honest, real, sharing and finding other who have had the same experiences as you.
This is what you’re doing in Step 3: you’re opening up, sharing the private and personal experiences you’ve had, finding others who connect with you on that level, and eliminating all those you don’t.
You’re forging deep and real connections THROUGH your insecurities rather than by trying to hide them.

In Conclusion
There are 4 simple steps to overcoming your insecurities:

1. Admit your insecurities to yourself
2. Admit your insecurities to others
3. Eliminate all the people from your life who attempt to take advantage of your insecurities
4. Find happiness and fulfilment regardless of your insecurities

A great way to start this process is to share your insecurities below. Take the first step in being able to admit your insecurities by sharing them with the guys.
Yes, it’s scary… Yes, it’s challenging… But if you can’t share them on an anonymous website, when are you ever going to be able to share them?


lol.. I don't even have the courage to share mine here.

culled from: http://attractioninstitute.com/

 

Good Things take time.

Be patient. Good things take time.

If you ask me, where humans go wrong is with their lack of patience. That, and their recent acquired taste for instant gratification.

The reality is that things take time. Richard Branson didn’t become a millionaire overnight. Madonna was not an overnight success. David Beckham was not born a superstar footballer..... Be Patient.

Stay focused on your big goals by Ashley Sanford

How many times a day do you think about something you need to be doing for a long-term goal, or perhaps a new year’s resolution? Several times, I assume. However, acting towards it might have been – put off for another day?

“Umm—now’s not the time, maybe in a while” “I’m overworked today, maybe tomorrow”. “I could get on with this the next month when my exams are over” or worse: “I won’t be able to do this at all, because it’s a waste of my time.”

Excuses, Excuses and more Excuses!

The problem here is not “the time” or that other task on the list. The problem is simply one thing: Lack of Focus.

Here are tips on how you can stay focused on your goal and keep yourself from making excuses at neglecting, procrastinating, and eventually failing at achieving your goals.

 

 

Focus on One (Or Two Major Goals): Part of the reason why we fail at achieving one single goal is because we are trying too hard to juggle and achieve too many all at once. You don’t want to “drop the ball” just because you tried too hard to throw too many in the air and keep them up. Until you have fully achieved and completed one or two major goals, you shouldn’t move on to the next.

Log Your Progress: You can update your current progress to allow yourself to visualize how far you are getting on with it. A daily log of tasks related to your most important goal will allow you track your progress and map out your slowing or growing rate of enthusiasm.

People also create vision boards for daily inspiration. You can create a collage using pictures, articles, text, or anything useful that you can stick to, related to your goal.

Follow a plan: Have you planned out how, when, and where you will achieve your goal? Plan out what you will be doing (and how) each day, each week, or each month to move towards your goal. Set an attainable time limit to make it realistic and achievable. Put it on paper and regularly check how well you are doing according to your set plan.

Ask Yourself Why You Are Pursuing the Goal: You must have a strong reason to pursue the goal, and if you don’t give yourself one, you won’t be able to feel motivated to achieve that goal! Knowing exactly why you want to achieve that goal and constantly reminding yourself of the reason(s) is an essential part of remaining focused.

For example, if I have a goal to give my GMAT exam and obtain a great score, I need to ask myself exactly why I want this. I could take the easy way out and apply to the selection of Universities that don’t ask for it, right? However, I will keep reminding myself that I want to achieve a good score and it is really important because it will allow me to give a shot at my dream University, it will allow me to aim for top institutions, and allow top schools to approach me themselves (saving me research time).

Keep reminding yourself why you need to be moving towards the goal with solid reasons.

Learn to Say No: One of the biggest problems faced while trying to achieve a goal is not being able to say “no” to distractions. Do you keep putting off your goal for something else that just came up out of nowhere? Sometimes, a simple text message, call, notification, or knock-knock does the job of putting your goal on hold for the rest of the day. Learn to say no to any and every distraction!

 

Learning to Love God's Way by Melissa Rich

I hate using the preface “as Christians”, because it can be so wrongly placed but "As Christians", the greatest commandment is

A. Love the Lord your God with all your heart... and

B. Love your neighbor as your "self".

This is FOUNDATIONAL to EVERYTHING else in our lives... EVERYTHING. It is confused sometimes since in order to love another, we must first learn what it means to love God and then learn what it means to both be loved by Him and to love ourselves.

Love is not a "soft" word by any means. It is so often misunderstood.  A person who has poured themselves out in love will know this all too well. Love takes risks and gives, not based on what is deserved but based on what it has to offer.

If God is "love" then we can see so many facets of love that are overlooked in our personal relationships too often, both friendships and otherwise. Love is a "commitment" word. A person who is in pursuit of loving God and learning to accept His unconditional love for them will learn also to love others and will show evidence of it; and those who are on that path will also recognize it and be drawn to it.

I am building from the bottom up, without self-love and respect; there will be nothing to give another. These are foundations we must build personally if we are to have healthy, Godly, lasting relationships.

LOVE THAT STOPS PROGRESSING IS DEAD: As "Christians", we "owe" this love to one another because God first loved us. We are commanded to love, as "He" has freely loved us. Love does not use, abuse or squander another for its own gain, no matter what. It does not take revenge or demand to always be right. It does not point the finger outward but it looks inward and concerns itself with pleasing "God" not man or oneself.

I personally do not think that learning "true" love is the easiest thing to do because true love puts a demand on the deepest part of us; but it is absolutely possible if we are willing to grow. It asks us for things we are not already doing and giving and it moves us to "willingly" give what we would never have given before. Love is always "progressive" it never stops developing and expanding; when it does, it is no longer alive.

LOVE WAS ALWAYS INTENDED TO BE “GIVEN”: I don't believe we are to pour ourselves out to just anyone, anywhere without wisdom but I do believe there are places and times where God requires us to give because "He" gave, not because we are keeping score.

Though I have never been married, I would dare say, learning how to give freely as a "personal choice" understanding the value of "giving freely" to what is likely to be the most significant relationship in your life, is one of the most important components to both peace and unity in a home. It is also amongst the greatest investments you will ever make in your life. It assumes the best of the other and keeps bitterness out.

Love was always intended to be "given". And this love gives because it “can” not because it “has” to. It gives because it finds true joy in fulfilling the needs of another. A person who has learned to love like this does it because they believe in the value of giving freely without expectation. They understand that all things cannot be measured with the natural eye. If it is the man God has given you, it is a no brainer, pour it out. He’s your personal garden to tend to. 

I understand this is a somewhat “foreign” concept, but think about it. To be so free as to be able to be a blessing to the ONE man that God has assigned you to be a “helpmeet” to and to do that with all your heart and without reserve. To have the freedom of heart, mind and soul to be able to be the “wife” that God has called you to be, to uphold that “role” with the utmost integrity and sincerity regardless of whether or not you “feel” like it. Marriage is not a party, it is a “partnership” and each has been given roles by “God” to fulfill in that partnership.

A PURE HEART: With this premise of "Love", we are to think, view and respond to others from a "pure" heart, not one of malice and bitterness and a person who has been hurt, violated in particular ways whether it was before they were old enough to choose or if it was after, may need to work on their own heart before having the capacity to be in a relationship where they have something to truly give and where they understand themselves enough to be able to communicate their own thoughts and needs without intense emotion, manipulation and/or unrealistic expectations.

I believe we unconsciously attract who we really are (whether we know ourselves well or not) so if we are "stuck" in the past, we could likely end up with someone who is also "stuck" in the past and the two together are a recipe for disaster.

If we lived in a “perfect” world, we would already have been prepared for this level of relationship in marriage and we would easily move into it without reserve; but since we do not, these are things we must approach “intentionally” in our lives. If you are “reserved” when you consider being a “helpmeet” and you have a “defensive” response to everything anyone says about “submission” and being a “helpmeet”, there is a very good chance that you are either 1. Emotionally unhealed from former abuse and/or 2. Misinformed as to God’s original design for marriage and the family.

At the end of the day, in order to experience the best of what God intended for marriage, we must be our personal best as wives. I understand that the “men” have their own issues and I will leave that to the “men” to deal with; as for “us ladies”, let’s challenge one another in our views towards men and marriage. This bitterness and anger is perpetuating generations of the same. Learning to love as God loves is the only chance we may have at experiencing something better for our future than what we have experienced in our past.

Healthy Competition

How to encourage healthy competition 

In all spheres of life, and particularly within the commercial world, healthy competition can spur individuals and teams on to achieve great things. With stretching targets, realistic time frames, clear guidance, and supportive management, individuals will usually perform at a far higher level than would be the case without the stimulation of competition.

 

 

When managed effectively, competition can deliver a wealth of benefits. It can provide individuals with the motivation they need to work hard and achieve objectives. It can encourage effective team working as managers seek to harness the different strengths of team members to secure optimum team performance. It can engender greater commitment to quality as people seek to use this as a lever to beat their competitors. Competition can serve as a spark to creativity as individuals seek out all possible avenues to get ahead of the crowd. It can also help managers to identify which individuals thrive under pressure and which are better suited to less stressful roles.

 

However, there are potential downsides to competition and these need to carefully managed in order to prevent the cons from outweighing the pros.

 

What are the biggest challenges (in encouraging healthy competition)?
Employers can often find it difficult to agree on the type of competition they want within their organization, the targets that they will use and the measurement techniques that they will apply. For example, it is common for businesses to give different sales teams clear revenue targets with the lure of the highest bonuses for the top performers.  Whilst this will usually give rise to healthy competitive rivalry, it can also mean that important long-term projects get pushed to one side as the team dedicates all its energy to achieving the short-term revenue target. In business, ‘you get what you measure’ so it is critical that the goals and objectives which are set for teams are in line with wider business requirements.

 

In very competitive organizations, managers can also find it difficult to get individuals to see the bigger picture and act in the best interests of their organization as a whole, rather than following the very narrow targets that they have been set as individuals or as a team.

 

What should you avoid doing?Employers have to be careful not to let competition have a ruinous effect on morale at any level. For example, if individuals in different teams find themselves competing against colleagues for resources, budgets or the time of staff in different departments such as Marketing of Legal, ill-feeling can quickly spread amongst the disaffected parties.

 

Equally, businesses should introduce clear processes and guidelines that prevent individuals from different teams squabbling over the allocation of sales revenue if parties from different teams have worked together to win a contract. Infighting such as this is always damaging.

 

Managers must also be alert to the risk of creating a long-hours culture or creating conditions where bullying can be used. For example, when targets are allocated at a team level, it can be very difficult for individuals to be seen as the first to leave the office, despite having have completed their contracted hours, because they fear being told by colleagues that they are not pulling their weight.

 

What are your three top tips?

• Introduce very clear policies regarding competition and ensure the information is communicated effectively. Individuals must know what behaviour is acceptable within a competitive environment, and is considered undesirable or unethical
• Use a ‘Balanced Scorecard’ approach to ensure that individuals are measured against all desirable targets and not one simple goal
• Ensure that you have senior managers who are able take a ‘helicopter view’ and adjudicate fairly between teams for the greater good when disputes do inevitably arise

Culled from cubiks.com

How to deal with Naysayers at work

I came across an article on LinkedIn and it makes for an interesting read. Could't help but share it here.

How to deal with Naysayers at work?

Are there any naysayers in your life? Someone who is discouraging you from pursuing your goals and dreams, perhaps? Someone who thinks that you are joking and says “It’s impossible!” when you share your grand plans for your future? Someone who sabotages you when you try to cultivate a new habit or quit a bad habit? Someone who is keeping you from achieving your highest potential?

Naysayers in my Life

At one point in our life, we are bound to meet naysayers, be it colleagues, acquaintances, friends, or even close friends and family. Naysayers are termed as such because their favorite response is “nay.” Say you want to quit drinking alcohol. They’ll go “nay” and tell you that drinking a few more mugs won’t kill you. Say you want to lose weight and you eat healthily. They’ll go “nay,” that healthy food is boring, and then tell you to eat unhealthy, junk food instead. Say you are considering pursuing your passion. They’ll tell you that it’s not feasible in the bad economy today (the economy is always bad to them), that it’s not going to make you money.
Most of the times, naysayers have little to add to the conversation, only endeavoring to extinguish your hopes and dreams.

What do I mean by negative thinking?

I'm not talking about constructive criticism or the identification of constraints and potential obstacles that must be overcome. I'm also not advocating riding on unbridled optimism all the way to the project management equivalent of the Little Bighorn. I'm talking about objections that are specifically engineered to defeat the project. These are statements (however elaborately supported) that can essentially be paraphrased: "It can't be done."

Dealing with Naysayers

Each time I meet a naysayer, I’ll first try to understand where he/she is coming from. Does he/she have a valid viewpoint, or is he/she just speaking from his/her fears? If it’s clear that the person is projecting his/her own fears rather than giving constructive thoughts, I’ll disregard his/her input. My goals are precious, and I’m not going to entertain anyone who tries to dump toxic waste onto my goals.

After I know that someone is a certified naysayer™, I’ll reduce contact with him/her, because I’m not interested to deal with someone’s fears and hangups about my goals.
For each of the goals I mentioned earlier (striving for my highest results in life, becoming a vegetarian, and quitting my job to pursue my passion), I ended up achieving them, and then more — despite all the horror stories and promises of failure by the naysayers. Each time, I discovered that the journey was nothing like what the naysayers had painted it to be. Each time, I found more joy, love and fulfillment on this new path than if I had stuck to my old ways. Each time, I experienced more personal growth than if I had done nothing about my goals.
You see, for naysayers, they don’t know how it’s like to pursue your goals. Everything they say, they say it with the intent to scare you away from your goals. Do you know why?
It’s because they’re actually scared themselves. Because they’ve never done what you’re trying to do, they’re scared that you’ll succeed. They’re scared that if you succeed, it’ll show that they have been wrong about life all this while, and that they should be taking action when they aren’t. They’re scared to discover that they’ve been undermining their potential and wasting their lives all this while.
It’s unfortunate for them, but you need to remember that these are their fears, not yours, and there’s no reason why you should own their fears about your goals. Your life is yours and you don’t need others to tell you what you should do. If you’re facing a naysayer,

Safeguard your goals.

Imagine you’re creating a beautiful, grand sandcastle at the beach. Now, imagine someone pouring water on top of your castle every minute. Will you be able to build anything eventually?
No, of course not. Each time you build your castle foundations, they instantly get demolished by the gush of water. In the end, you’ll get some clumpy-lump-of-an-excuse for a castle, not to mention you feel highly frustrated. All your efforts to create your castle will be in vain.
That’s the same thing when you listen to naysayers. Being discouraging and skeptical, they tend to focus on the downsides, the “dangers,” and — this one’s my favorite — anecdotal failure stories about your goal(s). For every second you listen to them, it’s like pouring acid over your dreams. In the end, you are left with a demolished self-confidence and a wavering “Should I still do this?” thought about your dreams, whereas you were highly optimistic and confident prior to your encounter with them.

Evaluate the naysayer’s background.

Before considering anyone’s advice, I’ll always evaluate how the person is doing in his/her life. I’ll consider the following:
Is this person living a life that I want for myself?
Is the person successful in the goal that I’m pursuing?
Does this person have knowledge and expertise in what he/she is commenting on?
If the answers are “no,” “no,” and “no,” then I’ll discount what he/she says. After all, this person is where he/she is precisely from following his/her own thoughts and advice. By heeding his/her words, it can only get me to where he/she is, not where I want to be.

Evaluate the naysayer’s words.

Another tip is to evaluate the naysayer’s words. As the CEO of your life, you are the best person to assess and decide what works and doesn’t work for you. Consider the following:
What he/she is saying — does it resonate with me?
Is there validity behind his/her words?
Will applying this advice make me better off?
Is he/she coming from a place of fear or love?
If the answer is “no” to questions one to three, and the person is coming from a place of fear, then this advice isn’t for you – even if it is well-intended. Don’t let yourself get weighed down by it.

Source: LinkedIn

Staying strong through Adversity

Do you know of anyone who has never mourned the loss of a loved one, or suffered from illness or turmoil in their lives?

We all go through painful experiences. It is part of this physical existence. We know we have to face pain sooner or later, yet we remain ill-equipped to deal with it.

We don't learn in schools how to cope with loss or deal with a serious illness. So, we grow like so many generations before us thinking if we just ignore this aspect of living,  it won't happen to us.

This of course is not true. Our fear or denial of death and loss won’t stop such things from happening. We all know that death is the eventuality of each birth. But our survival instincts make us fight it tooth and nail to the end.

Negative feelings to adversity are the typical response. How can we deal with it peacefully?

There is no one solution that fits all. We all have different emotional responses. Some cry, some get depressed, others escape, and others face it with grace and acceptance.

I don’t think it is humanly possible to not feel the pain of death, illness, loss (of status, a job/career or material possessions) and betrayal and breakups.

But I think it is within us to experience such challenging situations from a place of strength and acceptance instead of fear and resistance.

Recognize your strength.

Remember that you are brave for being here every human being is. We exist. We put ourselves out here to experience both joy and pain. Loss is inevitable. Yet we keep going.

It is easy to say accept the situation in theory or after the dust has settled but when you are in the middle of it, what can you do?

1. From a place of stillness, allow the shock and feelings to go through you.

There is no point in resisting what you feel. Take it out of your system. By that I mean become aware of your thoughts and feelings; pay close attention to how your body is reacting. Let the wave of fear, sadness or anger go through you.

Express your thoughts if you need to in a constructive way. Bawling your eyes out and wailing won’t help anyone. But crying from a place of stillness can be a relief. Write about your thoughts and feelings. The more you express them, the sooner such thoughts and emotions will move on allowing you to deal with the situation.

2. Become aware of mind games questioning, blame and regret.

At the beginning you might feel the need to know why something happened. Or worse, you start blaming yourself or someone else for what happened.

Once the thoughts come up, meet them with understanding. Think of the arguments first. Why this terrible thing happened to such a wonderful person. The simple answer of course is why not.

Someone has to go through this experience. It is part of our evolution at this point. So this person must be a strong soul to accept such a challenge in their lives. The same applies to the loved ones who will share this painful journey with the sick or dying person.

Dealing with blame can be harder. It is an argument that no one wins. Then there is blame’s ugly cousin: regret the what if and what could be.

When you are in the early stages of dealing with a situation, it is easy to slip into wishing things were different and what you or someone else could’ve done differently.

Feel the negativity and let it be. Don’t suppress it. Just feel it. Sit with it and let it run its course. With time you will be able to find a way to overcome … and one day to forgive, if needed.

3. Trust and deal with your situation.

The worst you can do is avoid the situation and escape. You will feel guilty and resent yourself. We all have more strength than we can imagine. The good thing about life is that it doesn’t give us more than we can handle, even if we can’t see it.

In times of adversity you will have all the strength and resolve to deal with the situation. Trust in your ability and that of the people surrounding you.

Things are usually worse in our head than in reality. When you face the music, you allow the experience to manifest.

4. Accept what is.

After you go through your emotions and as you deal with the situation, you will find yourself more in tune with life. You just accept things as they are and roll with it.

From this acceptance comes peace. At this point you realize it is futile to argue with what is. You are better off accepting the situation. Have faith that you and your loved ones will do the best they can. The rest is beyond your control it will take care of itself. It always does.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If not, it will kill you and that is okay. We all have an exit. We don’t know when or where. But we know we have one. Remembering this can help us accept life's most challenging situations.

5. Find closure and let go.

If you survive the experience, you will have endured and that gives you more strength and courage to deal with other situations.

The important thing at this time is to find closure and move on. If you stay stuck rehashing what happened or dwelling on how things could be different, you will create a new painful experience that will strip your strength and resolve and leave you an emotional mess.

It is not easy and we may never know the ultimate reason for what happens and to whom. But we all know that no one is immune to it. The thing that we need to remember the most is: we all have within us the eternal life that creates, endures and evolves.

Author: Manal Ghosain

Dealing with Conflict

Yesterday, a serious incident occurred at work where I and a friend ended up being harassed by a man who claims to be a superior. The issue wasn’t handled professionally and went bad. I wouldn’t go into details, but it got me upset. I woke up this morning still upset and wondered where we had gone wrong and still couldn’t fathom it. However, the scene created by that incident isn’t something I ever want to experience again.

So I sought for wisdom on ways I could possibly deal with conflicts thereby guarding myself and protecting my integrity. Listed below are the things I learnt and will practice:

 1. Cool off.

Yelling, using insults, or being sarcastic will make matters worse. Try these tips to calm down:

·      Count down from 10 to 0.

·      Close your eyes and take deep breaths.

·      Think of a peaceful place or something that makes you happy.

·      Slowly say over and over to yourself, "Take it easy."

·      Take a short walk.

» 2. Keep it real!

Think about what's really bothering you.

·      Did someone say or do something that hurt your feelings?

·      Is this a one-time problem or one that keeps happening?

·      Are you upset now because of something else that upset you in the past?

·      What do you really want in this situation or from this relationship?

» 3. Deal with the issue.

·         Talk to the other people or person about the conflict. If you don't, they may not know what you're thinking. Try to avoid distractions or interruptions.

·      Try to keep your voice calm.

·      Talk about how you feel and what you want instead of blaming the other person. (Hint: Try to start your sentences with "I…" instead of "You…".)

» 4. Listen to the other person's side.

One of you may not be totally wrong, and the other person may not be totally right. You may just see the situation differently.

» 5. Work it out.

» 6. Get help if you need it.

Sometimes you need help from someone outside the conflict. Ask friends for ideas. Just don't ask them to choose sides.

» 7. Walk away.

Sometimes you can't find a way to resolve a conflict.

·      If the other person doesn't want to work it out.

·      If the conflict gets physical or the other person is abusive, get help. 

Hurting? Let God heal you

Honestly this is tough, but with each day comes a positive change. I’ve been at a place where I said “God, I don’t want to feel like this anymore…” I’ve said over the past week in prayer. I have been pushed to go over my strengths and weaknesses in relationships and I had to face a somewhat uncomfortable reality.

I realized that I still carried some hurt and in the past. If you have felt the same way within, you begin to realize that it’s time to stop relying on a thin layer of self-defense and take the moment to be honest with yourself.

A prayer of release is all you need, letting God know that you sincerely release holding on to any feelings that would make you uncomfortable or caught going back.

Pride will try to rise up and point the finger at everyone else who hurt you, and even if they did, you have to address how you feel and take responsibility for your healing.

I prayed a prayer of release, letting God know that today I sincerely release holding on to any feelings that would make me uncomfortable or caught going back. Often times we’re expecting an apology one day in order to be “free” from those feelings of rejection and hurt.

I don’t need an apology or closure from a person—I needed to release. This form of forgiveness allows God to be God instead of you playing the judge or author of your life’s story, needing to control every detail. You don’t have to hold onto the pain (big or small) in the past, you have every right to yield it to the Lord.

I choose to let go, despite the fact that closure may not happen the way I imagined it to be. Let God close the chapter.

We can’t receive something new in our hands if they are already occupied. Same thing with your time, attention and the space in your heart; once filled with longings for human affection and past hurt will be an open space for God to work on you and fill you with more of Him.

Here are several things to consider in your time of self-reflection:

Forgive yourself and forgive others from relationships and dating seasons that didn’t work out. You may have been hurt, cheated or flat out rejected, but forgiveness is key to moving forward. If you have done the hurting or other wrongs committed in the relationship, it’s vital to forgive yourself.

Repent to God of the things you’ve done that don’t please God. Turning away from those sins and bad habits brings you closer to God’s will for your deliverance.

Walk in your healing will take time and patience to get there. This is a daily activity of being honest with the Lord and trusting Him to heal you. His word, love and presence in your life is the source of your strength during these challenging times, and He will be for you when no one seems to understand your desire to change within. 

Shortages

Unfortunately! This is common in our land today. Complaints from several areas of our economy on how things seem to be regressing, situations getting worse by the day, Businesses struggling and even payment of salaries have been difficult for some.

As a believer I have learnt that even when shortages and scarcity surrounds me; I never lose faith in God. Sometimes when I think of the troubled economy, my faith quivers, I worry about so many things… You would too especially if you run a business. 

The price of certain items scare you, but since I’ve learnt not to lose faith and focus; rather believe God’s promises in (Philippians 4:19), God will meet my needs according to his riches in glory. So I wake up to the realization that there is abundance made here through our lord Jesus and unlimited resources have been made available to me.

You can also have such faith and trust God to see you through this phase.

Distractions (The struggle to stay focused)

Yesterday I fell for something I thought I had overcome and it left a sour taste in my mouth. I let myself get distracted and the resultant effect destabilized me a bit. While beating myself hard on loosing focus that instant, I soon realized that my strength had failed me, emotions got the better part of me and I didn’t guard my heart. Lets say I got vulnerable.

Distraction comes in varying ways and to constantly be on top of your game you have to stay focused and yet again focused. When life throws its darts at you and all your chips seem low, you need a reason to dust yourself up and move on and sometimes I barely remember that reason. The struggle to stay focused is real and I can’t say I have it all figured out yet; it’s a constant struggle.

One thing I never fail to do when this happens is to remind myself that God loves me and has a plan for me… there’s a purpose and I can’t afford to get distracted.

I would like to read your views on how you were able to overcome distractions or tackle it head on?