Staying strong through Adversity

Do you know of anyone who has never mourned the loss of a loved one, or suffered from illness or turmoil in their lives?

We all go through painful experiences. It is part of this physical existence. We know we have to face pain sooner or later, yet we remain ill-equipped to deal with it.

We don't learn in schools how to cope with loss or deal with a serious illness. So, we grow like so many generations before us thinking if we just ignore this aspect of living,  it won't happen to us.

This of course is not true. Our fear or denial of death and loss won’t stop such things from happening. We all know that death is the eventuality of each birth. But our survival instincts make us fight it tooth and nail to the end.

Negative feelings to adversity are the typical response. How can we deal with it peacefully?

There is no one solution that fits all. We all have different emotional responses. Some cry, some get depressed, others escape, and others face it with grace and acceptance.

I don’t think it is humanly possible to not feel the pain of death, illness, loss (of status, a job/career or material possessions) and betrayal and breakups.

But I think it is within us to experience such challenging situations from a place of strength and acceptance instead of fear and resistance.

Recognize your strength.

Remember that you are brave for being here every human being is. We exist. We put ourselves out here to experience both joy and pain. Loss is inevitable. Yet we keep going.

It is easy to say accept the situation in theory or after the dust has settled but when you are in the middle of it, what can you do?

1. From a place of stillness, allow the shock and feelings to go through you.

There is no point in resisting what you feel. Take it out of your system. By that I mean become aware of your thoughts and feelings; pay close attention to how your body is reacting. Let the wave of fear, sadness or anger go through you.

Express your thoughts if you need to in a constructive way. Bawling your eyes out and wailing won’t help anyone. But crying from a place of stillness can be a relief. Write about your thoughts and feelings. The more you express them, the sooner such thoughts and emotions will move on allowing you to deal with the situation.

2. Become aware of mind games questioning, blame and regret.

At the beginning you might feel the need to know why something happened. Or worse, you start blaming yourself or someone else for what happened.

Once the thoughts come up, meet them with understanding. Think of the arguments first. Why this terrible thing happened to such a wonderful person. The simple answer of course is why not.

Someone has to go through this experience. It is part of our evolution at this point. So this person must be a strong soul to accept such a challenge in their lives. The same applies to the loved ones who will share this painful journey with the sick or dying person.

Dealing with blame can be harder. It is an argument that no one wins. Then there is blame’s ugly cousin: regret the what if and what could be.

When you are in the early stages of dealing with a situation, it is easy to slip into wishing things were different and what you or someone else could’ve done differently.

Feel the negativity and let it be. Don’t suppress it. Just feel it. Sit with it and let it run its course. With time you will be able to find a way to overcome … and one day to forgive, if needed.

3. Trust and deal with your situation.

The worst you can do is avoid the situation and escape. You will feel guilty and resent yourself. We all have more strength than we can imagine. The good thing about life is that it doesn’t give us more than we can handle, even if we can’t see it.

In times of adversity you will have all the strength and resolve to deal with the situation. Trust in your ability and that of the people surrounding you.

Things are usually worse in our head than in reality. When you face the music, you allow the experience to manifest.

4. Accept what is.

After you go through your emotions and as you deal with the situation, you will find yourself more in tune with life. You just accept things as they are and roll with it.

From this acceptance comes peace. At this point you realize it is futile to argue with what is. You are better off accepting the situation. Have faith that you and your loved ones will do the best they can. The rest is beyond your control it will take care of itself. It always does.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If not, it will kill you and that is okay. We all have an exit. We don’t know when or where. But we know we have one. Remembering this can help us accept life's most challenging situations.

5. Find closure and let go.

If you survive the experience, you will have endured and that gives you more strength and courage to deal with other situations.

The important thing at this time is to find closure and move on. If you stay stuck rehashing what happened or dwelling on how things could be different, you will create a new painful experience that will strip your strength and resolve and leave you an emotional mess.

It is not easy and we may never know the ultimate reason for what happens and to whom. But we all know that no one is immune to it. The thing that we need to remember the most is: we all have within us the eternal life that creates, endures and evolves.

Author: Manal Ghosain

Dealing with Conflict

Yesterday, a serious incident occurred at work where I and a friend ended up being harassed by a man who claims to be a superior. The issue wasn’t handled professionally and went bad. I wouldn’t go into details, but it got me upset. I woke up this morning still upset and wondered where we had gone wrong and still couldn’t fathom it. However, the scene created by that incident isn’t something I ever want to experience again.

So I sought for wisdom on ways I could possibly deal with conflicts thereby guarding myself and protecting my integrity. Listed below are the things I learnt and will practice:

 1. Cool off.

Yelling, using insults, or being sarcastic will make matters worse. Try these tips to calm down:

·      Count down from 10 to 0.

·      Close your eyes and take deep breaths.

·      Think of a peaceful place or something that makes you happy.

·      Slowly say over and over to yourself, "Take it easy."

·      Take a short walk.

» 2. Keep it real!

Think about what's really bothering you.

·      Did someone say or do something that hurt your feelings?

·      Is this a one-time problem or one that keeps happening?

·      Are you upset now because of something else that upset you in the past?

·      What do you really want in this situation or from this relationship?

» 3. Deal with the issue.

·         Talk to the other people or person about the conflict. If you don't, they may not know what you're thinking. Try to avoid distractions or interruptions.

·      Try to keep your voice calm.

·      Talk about how you feel and what you want instead of blaming the other person. (Hint: Try to start your sentences with "I…" instead of "You…".)

» 4. Listen to the other person's side.

One of you may not be totally wrong, and the other person may not be totally right. You may just see the situation differently.

» 5. Work it out.

» 6. Get help if you need it.

Sometimes you need help from someone outside the conflict. Ask friends for ideas. Just don't ask them to choose sides.

» 7. Walk away.

Sometimes you can't find a way to resolve a conflict.

·      If the other person doesn't want to work it out.

·      If the conflict gets physical or the other person is abusive, get help. 

Hurting? Let God heal you

Honestly this is tough, but with each day comes a positive change. I’ve been at a place where I said “God, I don’t want to feel like this anymore…” I’ve said over the past week in prayer. I have been pushed to go over my strengths and weaknesses in relationships and I had to face a somewhat uncomfortable reality.

I realized that I still carried some hurt and in the past. If you have felt the same way within, you begin to realize that it’s time to stop relying on a thin layer of self-defense and take the moment to be honest with yourself.

A prayer of release is all you need, letting God know that you sincerely release holding on to any feelings that would make you uncomfortable or caught going back.

Pride will try to rise up and point the finger at everyone else who hurt you, and even if they did, you have to address how you feel and take responsibility for your healing.

I prayed a prayer of release, letting God know that today I sincerely release holding on to any feelings that would make me uncomfortable or caught going back. Often times we’re expecting an apology one day in order to be “free” from those feelings of rejection and hurt.

I don’t need an apology or closure from a person—I needed to release. This form of forgiveness allows God to be God instead of you playing the judge or author of your life’s story, needing to control every detail. You don’t have to hold onto the pain (big or small) in the past, you have every right to yield it to the Lord.

I choose to let go, despite the fact that closure may not happen the way I imagined it to be. Let God close the chapter.

We can’t receive something new in our hands if they are already occupied. Same thing with your time, attention and the space in your heart; once filled with longings for human affection and past hurt will be an open space for God to work on you and fill you with more of Him.

Here are several things to consider in your time of self-reflection:

Forgive yourself and forgive others from relationships and dating seasons that didn’t work out. You may have been hurt, cheated or flat out rejected, but forgiveness is key to moving forward. If you have done the hurting or other wrongs committed in the relationship, it’s vital to forgive yourself.

Repent to God of the things you’ve done that don’t please God. Turning away from those sins and bad habits brings you closer to God’s will for your deliverance.

Walk in your healing will take time and patience to get there. This is a daily activity of being honest with the Lord and trusting Him to heal you. His word, love and presence in your life is the source of your strength during these challenging times, and He will be for you when no one seems to understand your desire to change within. 

Shortages

Unfortunately! This is common in our land today. Complaints from several areas of our economy on how things seem to be regressing, situations getting worse by the day, Businesses struggling and even payment of salaries have been difficult for some.

As a believer I have learnt that even when shortages and scarcity surrounds me; I never lose faith in God. Sometimes when I think of the troubled economy, my faith quivers, I worry about so many things… You would too especially if you run a business. 

The price of certain items scare you, but since I’ve learnt not to lose faith and focus; rather believe God’s promises in (Philippians 4:19), God will meet my needs according to his riches in glory. So I wake up to the realization that there is abundance made here through our lord Jesus and unlimited resources have been made available to me.

You can also have such faith and trust God to see you through this phase.

Distractions (The struggle to stay focused)

Yesterday I fell for something I thought I had overcome and it left a sour taste in my mouth. I let myself get distracted and the resultant effect destabilized me a bit. While beating myself hard on loosing focus that instant, I soon realized that my strength had failed me, emotions got the better part of me and I didn’t guard my heart. Lets say I got vulnerable.

Distraction comes in varying ways and to constantly be on top of your game you have to stay focused and yet again focused. When life throws its darts at you and all your chips seem low, you need a reason to dust yourself up and move on and sometimes I barely remember that reason. The struggle to stay focused is real and I can’t say I have it all figured out yet; it’s a constant struggle.

One thing I never fail to do when this happens is to remind myself that God loves me and has a plan for me… there’s a purpose and I can’t afford to get distracted.

I would like to read your views on how you were able to overcome distractions or tackle it head on?

Why being Sloppy?

Ever wondered why the fire that gets you started in attaining your goal suddenly begins to go off? That drive and zeal no longer exists. You see it happening and you have no idea how that fire once ignited suddenly went off.

I have been there so many times… I’ll attend one seminar or workshop and all these beautiful speeches and strong quotes get the better part of me. I get refreshed and excited about the workshop, set goals, map out plans and become determined (In my mind) about moving forward. Months later, I become sloppy about moving on with the decisions I made at the workshop, Reasons vary from;

• Being discouraged by specific challenges,
• I wait for ideal conditions,
• Little or no finance,
• I don’t know how to hustle in the sun (*shines teeth*)
• I don’t want to get sunburns (Yes I can be that petty to allow things like this discourage me from my aspirations).
• I am not bold enough to approach certain individuals and many more…… the list of excuses are endless.

Truth is I got sloppy in my words, actions and desire. With this in mind I begin to deter from set goals and purposes. It is okay to be sloppy sometimes, but boy! I encourage you to find your strength and pull through. If you’ve ever gotten sloppy about what you say or desire to do change your course today by changing your words and actions. Ask God today to help you set a watch over your words and actions.

Put the power that is in your tongue to work for you instead of against you. Stop using it to make messy situations rather work that goal with your mouth.

Be a Blessing

As I discover new things that become clearer to me daily, I’ll share with you guys here.

The desire to succeed and prosper in life is something I pray and make conscious effort planning and working towards. No one wants to be a failure and I certainly do not want to be poor. 

It is also Gods plan for his followers to prosper in all things and be a blessing in their generation. Not just financially but in all area of your life. He wants to help us to meet the need of mankind and he is smart enough to know that you can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t be a blessing to others when you barely have enough for yourself. You can’t minister joy to others when you are being held captive by depression or the thought of not succeeding as you desire.

If you really want to tap into the riches of God today, make up your mind to be a blessing to others and before you know it you’ll be receiving more from God than you ever dreamed of.

Work With What You Have.

Still on the subject of desiring more… I learnt in the early hours of today to work with what I have. It is great to dream big but don’t let waiting for the ideal conditions become an obstacle to your progress.

Learn to work with what you have, speak life into your dreams and it will come alive. I can’t begin to tell you guys how many ideas I’ve had pop into my head and I say I’m going to do this and I’m going to do that but I never seem to do the “DO” For whatever reasons not known to me I just couldn’t get on with it. So I’m stuck with that idea that I was once excited about; but still couldn’t execute.

The Truth is you’ll get excited about your dreams and can’t wait to start executing, then a prep talk from somebody obviously small minded begins to deter you, you start seeing obstacles were others see as a challenge, talks about current economy situations most common is the “High Exchange Rate” and many more. So little by little these things are being registered in your subconscious and you begin to loose interest about executing your plans. I am not saying some factors shouldn’t be considered and thought through properly before start up, I am saying the conditions doesn’t have to be ideal or perfect before you work with what you have.

Just get on with it!! Of course with Holy Spirit guidance…. You can never go wrong with his leading.

Discontent Today

Hey Guys!

This is my first post everrrr!! and i'm truly excited doing this finally *shines teeth*, However i must not fail to state here that this post and blog is born out of DISCONTENT. Yes! you heard that right.
Ebere is not greedy, upset or not being appreciative of her today, on the contrary she's fine but yearns for more and wanting more is certainly not bad. This blog is an outward show of what my more could mean.

We all desire different things in life and what is content to you could be discontent to another, for example A wants a high paying job while B desires the kind of job A currently does. What is meat for B are biscuits for A. Our need and wants differ.

In stating this I desire much more than what i currently do/have and it's not "Ojukokoro" it simply means there is an innate desire to succeed more than my today or present. Having the guts to get up and make this happen has been a slow progress and filled with procrastination. Today I say bye to procrastination in my life and welcome to a new era filled with Mega Goals and a stronger drive to succeed.

Feeling discontent about your current situation? Learn to take that leap of faith. Life is full of risks and you'll never know if you will fail or succeed if you never tried taking that risk. Most importantly seek the guidance
of the Holy spirit. You can never go wrong with his leading.